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Robert Red-Baer

George (20's)
Janet (20's)
Madam Crunch (40's)

There is no set needed. There is no formally written song, "Stuck Together." Please write one for me.

Copyright 1981 by Robert Red-Baer
Robert Red-Baer offers individuals or theatre groups the production of this play royalty free (profit or non-profit)-- but they must receive permission from Robert Red-Baer.  If interested in producing this play, please click on the following box.


JANET a young lady, and GEORGE, a young man, accidentally back up into each other. They turn around.

JANET & GEORGE: Hey, watch where... Why don't you be... It's my turn to... Wait a minute. (They turn from each other and then turn back. While this is going on MADAM CRUNCH stops and watches.) You first... Me first ... (They stare at each other) I... You ... >

CRUNCH: Just a minute now. Both of you stop.


CRUNCH: Look, I can see the whole problem. By the way, my name is Madam Crunch.

JANET & GEORGE: Hi, I'm Janet/George.

CRUNCH: I've seen this happen before, but they've been very mild cases. This one looks serious.

JANET & GEORGE: What is it?

CRUNCH: You're stuck together.

JANET & GEORGE: I don't know him/her.

CRUNCH: No, I don't mean like a romance or anything like that.. You're just on the same groove when it comes to talking to each other. Now just how close to each other on the groove, I don't know. I do know that once you get out of the groove you don't have to worry about it happening again. The chances are a billion to one against it.


CRUNCH: You're lucky I saw you because I've helped people out of this before. Would you like my help?


CRUNCH: Okay, but I have one condition. If I get you unstuck you have to promise to buy a box of my soft taffy. (Holds up box to audience) Yes, this is Madam Crunch's Soft Taffy. The taffy for everyone from birth to death. It doesn't discriminate against sex, size, color or any of those terrible things. Give it to your baby when it cries and it will stick it's screaming mouth together. Yes, and if you're a denture wearer you know there are times when your Maxi-grip gets out of hand and the dentures are dangerously stuck to your tender gums. Well, instead of spending the time and money for a tow truck, plop a piece of Madam Crunch's Soft Taffy in your mouth and pull hard. Your costly problem is solved in seconds for just pennies. If your husband or wife keeps you awake with their snore, Madam Crunch's Soft Taffy to the rescue. Use your imagination for countless of other uses. And remember, it tastes good, too.

JANET & GEORGE: I'll buy one.

CRUNCH: Good. Now the first thing we have to do is see just how serious you are stuck together. I want you both to think of a word that you're sure the other one won't say. Then say the word whenever you want.


CRUNCH: Don't say anything until after I say go. Go!

JANET & GEORGE (after a second): Antidisestablishmentarianism.

CRUNCH: This is a pretty serious case. Lets try something a little different. This time I want you (Janet) to think of a word you're sure he's going to say. And you (George) to think of a word your sure she's not going to say. (She turns them so their backs are to each other.) Okay, say it at your own will.

JANET & GEORGE: Zoo. (quickly turn to each other) How did you do that?

CRUNCH: I've never seen a case of stuck together as bad as this one. I have to think for a few minutes. While I'm thinking, I'd like you to talk to each other. But not normal conversation. I want you to say the strangest craziest things you can think of. We've got to break this.

JANET & GEORGE: Your father married a reptile... Burp... We are people ... We're stuck together. (They go into the song, "Stuck Together" During the song or after the song they bump into each other.)

JANET: Ouch!

GEORGE: Oooo! Hey, you said "Ouch"!

JANET And you said, "Oooo"!

JANET & GEORGE: We're cured! (pause)

JANET: I uh... Yes, we really are cured.

GEORGE: It's so good to be able to talk to you. what's your name?

JANET: Janet. And yours?

GEORGE: George.

CRUNCH: We did it! You're both unstuck.

JANET: Thank you.

GEORGE: Thank you very much.

CRUNCH: Don't forget the deal. You know, Madam Crunch's Soft Taffy. Only fifty cents a box.

GEORGE: I'll buy for both of us.

JANET: That's real sweet of you.

GEORGE (handing Crunch the money): It's more than worth our meeting.

CRUNCH: Thank you. Good luck. (Exits)

JANET & GEORGE: Bye, Madam Crunch. (pause) You don't think...


JANET: I was worried for a second.

GEORGE: Are you uh,... Do you have a boyfriend or husband or anything.

JANET: No. You?

GEORGE: You're the first girl that's ever made me feel this way.

JANET: I feel like that, too.

GEORGE: So soon. We just met.

JANET: But our feelings are so close.

GEORGE: I know. It's beautiful.

JANET: Do you want ... ?

GEORGE: Yes, lets! (They jump up and hug each other.)

JANET: Your place or mine.

GEORGE: Mine's fine.

JANET: I'm so excited. I just can't wait.-

GEORGE: Me too. (In all their excitement they are jumping around, dropping things, picking them up, etc.) It'll be great!

JANET: Fantastic!

GEORGE: We can talk, too.

JANET: Yeah! (They bump into each other.)

JANET & GEORGE: I'm sorry. That's all right. Oh no! We'll bump into each other. (They bump into each other a few times) There, that did it. Oh no, not again. I got it! (They both reach into their box of taffy and pull out a piece. They both try to put it in their own mouth while trying to stop the other one from putting it in their mouth. This turns into a struggle. George wins.)

JANET: Oh George. You did it. Now when it starts to get unstuck then I'll put one in my mouth. It seems kind of funny talking to you without you talking to me. We'll get used to it, though. It's so brave of you-to sacrifice your speech for mine. (Pause) I love you. (They kiss each other and get stuck together. Madam Crunch enters.)

CRUNCH: Another thing about Madam Crunch's Soft Taffy, one piece lasts forever. (looks at Janet and George) Isn't that sweet. They've fallen in love. (She exits. Another couple enters.)

LADY: It's so nice to see young lovers.

MAN: Yes dear. (They exit) Another man enters.)

MAN 2: Every day I come here, they're kissing. (A whole bunch of people enter and sing "Stuck Together" At the end of the song, Janet and George fall over and die in the kissing embrace.)


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