Conditions and application form for royalty free performance
List/History of Award Winning Videos
Complete list of royalty free plays by Robert Red-Baer
|Here are some worlds of Robert Red-Baer that you might like to visit. Click on one for the menu.|
OF WRITTEN WORDS-- Robert's publications, the secrets of vending
and getting rid of flies, etc.
WORLD OF SAMURAI SPIRIT-- Robert and Toshiro Mifune, Akira Kurosawa movie posters, pro wrestling, etc.
WORLD OF CAMPUS-- Robert and his students at Edogawa Women's Junior college in Japan.
from Mifune to Kurosawa to Japan
from eye color to recent play productions
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Any type of set, including a bare stage will be fine. A large box for Adam to pop out of and another box with a hole in it, in the bull's eye of a target are needed.
The MC enters with a cassette tape. There is a cassette player on the end of the stage. It is best not to use a real recording for this, but to use some kind of microphone or megaphone.
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to make an apology. We were supposed to have a special surprise guest for you. He couldn't make it, but he did send a recording. So if you listen carefully, I think you will find it very interesting. (He puts the cassette in the player and presses the button.)
RECORDER: Hello my little flock. This is a recording I have sent to you from heaven. I wanted to be with you personally, but commitments up here make it literally impossible. I was requested to tell you the story of the beginning of man. Though I couldn't make it there myself, I have sent you the original man and we will recreate the beginning. In the beginning there were forests and trees and plants and little friendly animals roaming the new earth. But I forgot to give them brains -that could formulate certain patterns and abstract ideas, so I had to create a physically inferior but mentally superior, creature. I gathered puppy dog tails and little snails and threw them into my magic box. I said some magic words and the box went into what you would call, labor. (Labor sounds and noises in the box and then Adam, wearing some appropriate costume, pops out of the box. It is almost as though he is thrown out of it.)
ADAM: Hello world! Here I am. A new beginning. A new person with a new mind.
RECORDER: This is God speaking.
ADAM: How about that.
RECORDER: You are Adam, the father of mankind. The first of my children. The beginning of humanity...
ADAM: That's quite a responsibility.
RECORDER: That's why your name begins with "A".
ADAM: Hey, if you're God, how come I can't see you?
RECORDER: Look Dummy, I gave you a mind. Use it! This is a recording.
ADAM (confused): Oh. Uh yes. Sure, I see. (pause) Now what am I supposed to do?
RECORDER: You'd better eat something.
ADAM: I'm not hungry. Where's my Mommy?
RECORDER: I'm your Mommy. I'm your Daddy. I made you all by myself.
ADAM: You must be kidding. What kind of weird relationship is that?
RECORDER: I am God!
ADAM: I'm Adam. Glad to meet you. Can you tell me where I can find a woman. You know, a little bit of action.
RECORDER: Women haven't been invented yet.
ADAM: Don't you think it's about time?
RECORDER: It'll cost you.
ADAM: I knew there was a catch. How much?
RECORDER: One rib.
ADAM: A rib?! That's outrageous!
RECORDER: Would you rather I charge you an arm and a leg? You don't have much choice now, do you?
ADAM: How about a fingernail, or a look of my hair?
RECORDER: It must be a rib.
ADAM: Well, I just won't have a woman, then! I don't need one.
RECORDER: That's what you think. (A sensuous female dancer comes out to some kind of appropriate music. She dances around Adam, touching him and brushing against him. Adam is panting like a dog. At last he can't stand the temptation and goes after her. She exits. He can't catch her. He runs to the recorder.)
ADAM: Which rib!? Which rib?!
RECORDER: The spare rib. (Adam runs behind the box:,: makes some noises and returns with an over-sized rib.)
ADAM: Now what?!!! Now What?!!!
RECORDER: There is a box to your left with a hole in it. Put it in that little hole. (Adam goes to the right.) I said your left, Dummy. (Adam starts to stick the rib in the hole, a scream comes out and Adam jumps back.)
ADAM: Are you sure?
RECORDER: Go on. (Adam tries again. The scream is louder.)
ADAM: I don't know about this, God. I...
RECORDER: Put it in the damn hole! I've only got one day. (Adam puts it in the hole, music starts again and Ugly Eve (played by a man) comes flying out from another box or something. She does a stupid dance around Adam. The music stops.)
ADAM: I gave a rib for that ugly thing! I want my rib back! I've been cheated!
RECORDER: Calm down, Adam. This is only the beginning.
ADAM: This is the end! I've had it with you. I'm severing all ties. (Goes to recorder.)
RECORDER: Let's not be hasty now, Adam. I wouldn't want... (Adam yanks the cassette out of the recorder and pulls some tape out and breaks it. He then throws the cassette away.)
ADAM: Goddamn cheat.
UGLY EVE: Hello, my name's Eve.
ADAM: Halloween eve?
UGLY EVE: What's your name?
UGLY EVE: Glad ta meetcha ribless. How 'bout a kiss?
ADAM: Flake off.
UGLY EVE: There's only the two of us here, you're bound to get horny.
ADAM: One look at you, and an antelope would lose its horns.
UGLY EVE: Oh. Oh, how could you say such a thing. (She falls to her knees and bursts into tears. OLD LADY enters, walks over and pats Ugly Eve on the head.)
LADY: Don't worry sweetheart. I've been doing some research. (Goes to Adam.) Want a beautiful gal, Mr. Ribless?
ADAM: Are you kidding. You're as ugly as she is.
LADY: I have a beauty that you wouldn't understand. Besides, I ain't talkin' about myself.
ADAM: I'm not spending anymore ribs.
LADY: It won't cost you a thing. (aside) At least nothing you'll ever know about.
ADAM: Okay, what' s the deal?
LADY: Just pretend you're a snake and give Eve over there a bite of this forbidden fruit.
ADAM: But it's forbidden.
LADY: How the hell did you know?
ADAM: You just called it the forbidden fruit.
LADY: A mere slip of the tongue. It don't make a bit of difference. (Hands him the apple.) I'll let you make your own mind up. (She exits. Adam looks at the apple and then at Ugly Eve.)
ADAM (slithering over to Eve): Ssss... Ssss... I'm a snake! (Ugly Eve jumps up in fright.)
UGLY EVE: Oh! Oh, a snake!
ADAM: Ssss... I'm a friendly snake. Ssss...
UGLY EVE: I thought the only friendly snakes were dead snakes?
ADAM: Ssss... A preconceived stereotype. Ssss...
UGLY EVE: What do you want, snake?
ADAM: I have a fruit for you, luscious and juicy.
UGLY EVE: So?
ADAM: It will make you beautiful.
UGLY EVE: I'm not hungry.
ADAM: Take one little bite and you will be transformed. (Singers come out and sing it in a cathedral choir way or any way the director desires.)
UGLY EVE: What kind of fruit is it?
UGLY EVE: Forbidden!?
SINGERS: Transformation. Transformation.
UGLY EVE: It's forbidden.
ADAM: Ssss... Beautiful. Eve will be beautiful.
UGLY M: Forbidden!
SINGERS: Transformation. Transformation.
UGLY EVE: The forbidden fruit.
UGLY EVE: Yes! Yes! (She bites the apple and disappears. Immediately PRETTY EVE comes out. She is beautiful and knows it. She stands high and rigid. She is filing her nails. Adam kneels before her.)
ADAM: You are beautiful. I am your servant forever.
PRETTY EVE: I know. I am woman. I am Eve.
ADAM: I love you, Eve. I will do anything for you.
EVE: I am hungry. Go kill that beast over there. (Points over audience.) I am hungry. I am woman. I am Eve.
ADAM: I'll kill it for you. Anything for my Eve.
ADAM: Now! (Runs through audience. Eve smiles and sits.)